photo credit: keela84
“Mom has supersonic hearing.”

TechnoBoy, explaining to The Mercenary how I heard their conversation from another room.
(Editor’s note: YESSSSSSS! I have arrived!)

Use a vacuum cleaner.
Seriously.
UPDATE: I do not recommend using this technique on children with long hair. Per our discussion in the comments I tried it on my own hair and the vacuum caused my hair to tangle very quickly. It worked beautifully on the boys’ short hair.

*Alternate title: 4 Assumptions that led to disaster in the kitchen.
**Alternate alternate title: You know what they say about assumptions, don’t you?
I was deeply engrossed in a project today. Deeply. Engrossed. You see, the plan I’m following for the boys’ schooling is somewhat complex, requiring me to coordinate literature with history. [...]

Child begins whining about an offense (imagined or real).
Adult kneels down and listens to said complaint.
Child whines again.
Adult repeats complaint to child, thus demonstrating an amazing ability to understand and empathize with said complainant.
Child whines. Again.
Adult attempts to reason with child to stop the complaining.
Child whines. AGAIN.
Adult very cheerfully looks child in the [...]

In case you’ve not heard of the Onion News Network, here’s a report they published recently. They’re hilarious!

The Manager has been experimenting with pouting lately. It hasn’t been working out too well, as his sense of humor is developing nicely thankyouverymuch. I usually can get him laughing quickly thus foiling his dastardly pouting plot.
Today he tried it again, and I called him Pouty Pete. (I don’t know what started [...]