Earnest Parenting » Popular

TechnoBoy Goes to School

Amy LeForge — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:56:02 +0000

So. Being that I’m the parent of two 13-year-olds, we’ve been experiencing a lot of teen angst around here. Usually every summer follows a similar pattern: we’re all sick of each other by June, but we have lots of fun and togetherness (and some time apart) and we’re back to loving each other by September when school begins.

This year, we clearly were not following that pattern. The whole summer was just brutal with controversy and disrespect and far too much arguing. I looked at the boys in August and said, “You don’t respect me. How can you learn from someone you don’t respect? I think you need to go to public school.”

The Mercenary said no way. He’s not going to take that risk. TechnoBoy on the other hand, said, “Yea. I can do that.”

I actually didn’t believe him and was taken by surprise a few weeks later when he said something in passing about going. As it turned out, the next day was Open House, so we hurriedly enrolled in the early afternoon, and by evening he was all scheduled and walking around the building meeting his new teachers.

I’ve never been the parent of a public school student before, so this has all been quite new. I went to public schools all my life and taught in them for 8 years, so it’s not completely foreign. But seeing it from this perspective is so totally different! I felt nauseous and short of breath for a few days, and I cried at Open House.

Note: The crying was related to far more going on than just him going to school. The dishwasher broke, the microwave died, the repairman didn’t show up TWICE-and I waited 4 hours for him each time, ten cavities were found in various boys’ mouths, I ended up getting a complete allergy testing and exam instead of just a quick check-in with the doc, during which appointment the phone rang from boys no less than 12 times so they could complain and fight…It was a terrible horrible no-good very bad week.

While we were walking around meeting teachers that night, it felt very…right to be doing this. Because it was my boy’s choice and not mine, and because he was so easily fitting in with all the friends and parents he already knows, the transition hasn’t been very difficult at all. Granted, he’s had some stressed moments, and there are sure to be difficulties to come; but that happens no matter where you are in life.

I’m super proud of my boy. He took a risk and he’s doing well. I’m glad he’s getting a chance to shine without his twin overshadowing. He’s getting to have his own identity. Last night he brought home some papers and The Mercenary took it upon himself to read through them and critique everything. I pulled TechnoBoy aside and told him, “If you play your cards right, he’ll do your homework for you!” Then we shared a laugh. Editorial note: it wasn’t homework, it was just class notes that TM was reading. No homework was performed by the wrong person. Thank you.

So yea. I am now the parent of a public school student.

I do miss having him home though.

Earnest Parenting: help for parents whose kids go from homeschool to public school.

Photo provided courtesy of afagen via Creative Commons license, some rights reserved.

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Am I a Failure as a Homeschooler?

Amy LeForge — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:53:38 +0000

I’ve had the “add new post” window open on my laptop for two days now. I stare at the blank screen, unsure of what to type exactly. I want to tell you about our latest homeschooling…..mess. But it’s messy. I don’t even know how this is all going to turn out, and I’m not sure if I can convey clearly what we’re dealing with.

No, it’s not a life-threatening mess. Many could read this and respond with, “Hitch up your big girl panties and roll, girl.” Others can read this and say that I’m asking too much, expecting too much; that I should accept reality and be thankful for what is here rather than wanting more.

There is an immediate solution, but it’s one that I hate.

The mess: school here is usually a fight. There are rarely days in which all four boys cooperate with the assignments and finish their work so we can all play. Rather, at least one (and usually more) of them has a meltdown over me saying radical things like, “okay, time for spelling.” Granted, life is a ton easier than in years past. Back when the older boys were in first and second grade, we all had meltdowns: them crying over learning their letters and me crying over them crying.

Believe me, I have tried EVERYTHING I could think of to make school more palatable. The younger boys routinely forget themselves and have a great time doing their schoolwork. This is after the crying and arguing and throwing themselves on the floor because of the aforementioned radical speeches coming out of my mouth.

I kept the boys home from public school for many reasons, but the biggest one is that I want them here. I love learning, and watching children learn. Heck, that’s what my graduate degree was in. But this? This is not fun. It’s more like torture. Day in and day out, someone is crying or complaining or arguing.

Click around to some homeschool blogs and you’ll find story after story of how rewarding the experience is, how much fun parents are having with their children, how close they are as a family….how easy this life is. After 7 years of trying, we’re still not there. That’s discouraging. What am I doing wrong? How can I make this better? Why won’t my children accept the fact that they MUST learn? By law, they have to be in school. Period. And yet, they seem to think they can argue their way out of the work. I truly don’t understand. I want to be one of those moms who has fun with her kids and lessons. But I don’t know how to get there.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. This feels insane. And I’m not even doing the same things. I keep trying new things, new courses, new approaches, new deals, new plans, new rewards, new motivations. But we keep coming back to the same old resistance.

And that’s what bugs me the most. The boys at a base level do not agree that they should be learning. They just want to play. I have yet to find ways of schooling that are playful enough to pull them in. And believe me again, I have tried. When I suggest fun things, they immediately shoot the ideas down. Everything new has to be forced on them. When I ask them for suggestions, I get blank stares or mumbles of, “I don’t know.”

So, with heavy hearts last night we told the boys that we don’t see another choice. It’s time to try public school. That’s the solution I hate. Hubby was sick about it too, and the boys ate dinner with heads bowed in near-silence.

None of us want that option.

But what to do? Ultimately, the boys have to decide they want to be here. They have to decide to participate and take responsibility for their behavior. It shouldn’t be me dragging them, kicking and screaming, through their lessons.

Today, I’m supposed to be calling principals to set up meetings to enroll my boys. I’m supposed to be calling the doctor for medical records and booster shots so that everyone’s current and approved for school. So far, I haven’t done it. I don’t know if I can.

I’m still hoping for that last-ditch effort on their part to stay with me. They say they want to be here. Now they have to prove it.

Earnest Parenting: help for parents who struggle with homeschooling.

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Have You Honked at Your Children Lately?

Amy LeForge — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:33:28 +0000

We’ve had a surprising number of groups of Canada Geese flying overhead the past few days and boy are they noisy. It’s amazing how much honking they do as they fly. Conventional wisdom is that they’re encouraging the leader to keep going. Just for kicks I looked it up, and found this at the Birder’s World web site.

Nearly all songbird species make frequent contact calls when migrating at night, however. They tend to fly in loose groups as opposed to cohesive flocks, so they use contact calls to communicate with others of the same species and to stay on course.

Whether they’re honking for encouragement or coordination, the contact calls are an important feature of the birds’ journey. This got me to thinking about parents and children, and the importance of contact and communication in that relationship. In my case, building trust has been a major theme of late. The more I work on clear communication with the boys, the more we seem to be becoming a team. It’s slow but the progress is there.

photo credit: tao_zhyn

What about you? In what area do you need to communicate more clearly with your children? Are you sending out the contact calls necessary to keep your flock on track? Are they calling back to you?

Have you honked at your children lately?

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8 Ways to Tease a Boy Out of a Bad Mood

Amy LeForge — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:41:58 +0000

photo credit: Bo2007

1. Inform him that he needs all that negative stuff drained out and to be filled with happy thoughts instead. Suggest something he’d be appalled by, like painting pink daisies on his toenails.

2. Imitate the whining he’s doing and morph it into the whine of a race car. Rev the engine through a few gears, then make the sounds of a car screeching to a halt and crashing.

3. Tickle fight!!!

4. Give him pointers on how to make his pouting more effective.

5. Rate his pout on a scale of 1 to 10.

6. Throw your own fit. Make it big…really put your all into it. (note: this is more effective at home than in public).

7. Pin him down and kiss him all over his face until he starts laughing.

8. Initiate a quick “Who can jump the highest?” competition. Any kind of physical competition works, as long as you get him up and moving a bit.

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Puddle Jumping

Amy LeForge — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 05:50:51 +0000

This little episode happened last spring. I ran across the pictures when I was going through my files and thought I’d share it with you, Internets.

It was a lovely warm spring day. The rain had ended and there was a perfect puddle waiting at the end of the driveway for Captain Earthquake and The Manager. Being boys who were 4, they were out the door as soon as they spotted the puddle. Hubby was able to snap pictures without their noticing right away. Gotta love that zoom lens.

It all started out well enough, with plenty of splash room for everyone.

The Captain got right into the swing of things. The Manager, on the other hand is a more particular fellow. He likes a clean hand.

Oh look. He’s warming up to the mud.

Ummmm…….

Wait a minute. Is he doing what I think he’s doing??

Yep. And he pats it in for good measure.

Apparently the Captain doesn’t mind.

Nope. Doesn’t mind at all. In fact, he had already landed in the water a few minutes earlier. To our knowledge, he never realized that he was a crime victim that day.

Whoops. Camera spotted.

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