Verbal Fireworks

Amy LeForge — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:35:46 +0000

I’ve been noticing lately the power of words, especially the spoken word. All 4 boys are demonstrating an ability to seriously get under each others’ skin, just by using their words.

Having 2 sets of twins can make for some fascinating interactions. We have a couple of competing dynamics: children who’ve lived their lives with someone else the same size always in their space; that leads to a lot of competition especially among boys. Alternatively, if a boy suddenly finds his twin being bothered or harassed in any way he can switch into defensive mode and fast.

All that to say that the verbal sparring that goes on some days can get pretty dramatic. The one thing I keep saying (over and over and over) is “One of you has to be the first one to stop.” Up till now, I haven’t gotten very far with that. They get along for a while, then something crops up, an insult is hurled and the fireworks commence.

I’m hoping that their increasing maturity will work in all our favor. I’ve had more success lately with talking the issue through with boys. Perhaps it’s all my practice asking Love and Logic questions, but I find that I’m able to get a lot more communication going if I question them through the possibilities, and give them some time to think out the answers themselves.

This morning Captain Earthquake and The Manager were really getting under each other’s skin. The Manager found me to let me know that he’d been “called a name-call”. Both boys were standing there, so I asked if they’d noticed that there was a lot of arguing going on. Both said no. I responded with “Well, I notice there’s a lot of arguing, and that’s a problem.” (thanks to Stu for The Problem is the Problem technique). They looked at me with big eyes and nodded. Next I wondered out loud if boys who were arguing were happy boys or sad boys. The Captain said “sad”. Then I asked if they wanted to be happy boys or sad boys. Both agreed that they wanted to be happy.

I was able to follow that up with, “Well, what do you think would work to make the arguing go away?” And they both said “Say sorry!” in unison. I saw hints of smiles, so I looked at them with a straight face and said “Yes, and now you have to give him a BIG wet sloppy kiss!!!” Which grossed them both out and they laughed hard before wandering off to play more cheerfully.

Hopefully we can keep working through things and get along better and better all the time, saving fireworks for the 4th of July.

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3 Things I’ve Noticed About Twins

Amy LeForge — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:39:53 +0000

I haven’t written much about the realities of being a mother of twins. Perhaps because so many others have already had much to say on the subject. If you’re the parent of multiples, people tend to say very similar things when they find out. Many are annoyed by this; I really don’t mind it nor do I find it insulting.

Perhaps I don’t say much about the twin thing because I don’t know what it’s like to have a single child. Twins are all I know, so I have no point of comparison.

There are a few things I have noticed them do that seem to be unique to twins.

I’ve never been called “My Mom”. Ever. I’m always “Our Mom”. Doesn’t matter who they’re talking to; it could even be Hubby. I am “Our Mom”.
They can be hyper-competitive. It may be a combination of ‘boy’ and ‘twin’ essence. The Mercenary can be brought to tears just by the idea that TechnoBoy is working ahead of him on a spelling assignment.
For some reason, I am frequently called to task over whether or not I’m being fair. Some days, it happens dozens of times. I know that all parents deal with this phenomenon. In my case, fair means exactly the same with no deviation whatsoever, regardless of reality or individual differences between boys. This one drives me the craziest.

So, why did I make this list? No reason, really. Just random observations from my tired and somewhat cluttered brain. Have a pleasant evening, friends. I’ll talk more tomorrow.

Earnest Parenting: tips for parents of twins.

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Earnest Parenting » Twins

Verbal Fireworks

3 Things I’ve Noticed About Twins