(Editor’s note: please welcome Davian with an important article for parents of strong-willed children. Thanks, Davian!)
Dealing with strong-willed children can sometimes be difficult. A defiant child has ideas of its own and hardly ever yields in to authority. Rebellion, stubbornness and the desire to step over authority will interfere with the child’s upbringing.
The parents of such children may sometimes feel pressured to start bargaining with the child, in order to get some obedience. Bargaining, however, is related to serious long-term problems. Once a parent utilizes this option, there will be no going back.
Bargaining with a child is a bad option because of many reasons. It will certainly lead to discipline problems and more difficult communication.
What Happens When Parents Bargain?
Bargaining demonstrates weakness. It shows that the parent is ready to do anything, as long as the child performs a task or helps out with some household duty.
The bargain itself gives the child a chance to avoid housework. It shows that something is not a typical responsibility – it is a job that the child deserves an award for doing.
Bargaining interferes with family responsibilities and the manner in which each person handles those. Children who are used to this form of award will be increasingly difficult to please and unwilling to take any responsibility.
What types of problems is bargaining related to?
Defiant Children Will Be Tempted to Say No
Often, disobedience is much more pleasing than any award that a parent will be providing. Defiant children will be tempted to say no to any bargain that their parent has to offer.
Saying no to such bargains is a form of rebellion. Children will feel strong and able to oppose their children by simply refusing to accept the terms of negotiations.
Bargaining gives defiant children an exit. Further, it provides them with a chance to disappoint their parents.
If bargaining becomes the routine in a family, it will be difficult to get a child doing anything that does not provide benefits. Bargaining educated laziness in the long term and will transform into effective parental blackmailing device.
Children will expect an award for cleaning their room, for doing their homework and for brushing their teeth. Bargaining gives birth to a vicious circle that is very difficult to put an end to.
Children will avoid responsibility, whenever an award is not provided. This will certainly interfere with the manner that these children will study and do their job in the future.
Every Day Turning into a Bargain
Soon, every day will be a bargain. The bargaining will start in the morning, when the child will have to get dressed to go to school. It will continue in the evening, when the bedtime hour will be negotiated.
Bargaining can become a nightmare that cannot be stopped. It will interfere with the simplest daily activities and tasks.
Even if it is difficult, parents should do their best to get children doing their chores without providing an award for it. Children need to get used to having responsibilities and their own duties. This is the only viable way to educate a hard working and self-motivated individual.
About the Author: Davian Masters is a professional article writer and blogger who has written about babies, parties, and family topics for websites about wedding ideas and sites that sell baby shower favors.
Photo provided courtesy of dolmansaxlil via Creative Commons license, some rights reserved.
Earnest Parenting: tips for parents of strong-willed children.