Comments on: Do Interfering Parents Raise Successful Children?

By: Do Parents Live Vicariously Through Their Children? | Earnest Parenting

Do Parents Live Vicariously Through Their Children? | Earnest Parenting — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 18:52:04 +0000

[...] an ear how talented their youngster is and how he or she is a prodigy in the making.”Sara in Do Interfering Parents Raise Successful Children wrote that parents are “trying to live their dreams through their children, little realizing [...]

By: Mark Birmingham

Mark Birmingham — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 04:10:13 +0000

I agree with your points and more when I read your comments, which fleshes out the outline. However, I will disagree with one part of one point.

•They want their kids to be the best in any field; they don’t care that their kids are happy with just being children and are “not interesed in being competitive”.
The world is competition. Not everyone wins all the time. My son, who is eight, earns through “points” (poker chips cashed in for $$$). He excels, he gets more points, he fails, but trys, he still gets points, but must correct. If he just does not do he gets no points or could even lose points. He loves it and always trys to get the coveted “bonus points”.
Note: My wife is Filipina and I noticed another post by someone in the PI talking about kids being to dependent on Family. That’s because in the PI they want to keep the kids dependent so they will remit money when they get older. Just that simple.

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:51:46 +0000

Grandpa Murf, may I be so bold as to say I love you? Excellent comment! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your wisdom! Your comment came exactly when I needed to read it, so I am also thankful for that. I was feeling bad about being tough on the boys even though I know they need it. Your words are very encouraging.

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:50:00 +0000

Employee Leasing, you are truly blessed to have a happy relationship with your parents.

Cathy, excellent point. It’s so hard to find the right place to balance those two things. But important, nonetheless. I also think that it’s different depending on the child. My older boys need a lot more pushing than the younger ones do on their schoolwork, but the younger ones I need to push to do social things.

Sick, I hope that you find the strength, peace, and success in the future that you deserve.

By: Grandpa Murf

Grandpa Murf — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:15:37 +0000

Good site on a needed topic. As someone who is “on the other side”, at least in terms of having regular influence on my three children (they are 27,24 and 21 and have given us 3 g-kids). I grew up in a family with parents that were loving and provided well for our basic wants and needs but where, in my opinion, too hands off and easy in helping us as children make choices and enforcing “positive discipline”. In hind site, I found myself as a freshman in college lagging both academically and in athletics and it took me a few years to catch up. On the up side, I believe that my parents did model perseverance in a way that became my vehicle to catch up and in some areas excel over those 4 years.
Helping your child find things that interest them and encouraging them is only 10 percent of what it takes to raise kids that become successful adults. I would hope that most parents would see that as the goal instead of “successful children”. Modeling and enforcing the discipline to work hard, be consistent and not to quit will ensure that they have a chance to be successful in anything that may become their passion and/or their vocation. Too many parents get caught up in trying to find what interests their child instead of teaching core behaviors of long term success. The overall ease and comfort of our lives today have made it become more of a conscious effort to look for and make the time to instill these core behaviors is. The reality is, is most children tend to be attracted to what their good at and if you just let them to only try and never commit, they may never excel at anything. Most people can excel at several things given the desire to. As parents, you have the opportunity to influence and help guide your children in defining and developing their interests and passions. The challenge as parents is to seek and exercise truth and wisdom in how to balance ease vs. discipline and freedom vs. structure and short term desires vs. long term goals. The secret is to start with simple lessons as soon as they can understand and to grow up with them.