Just a few versus down in Proverbs 22:15 - “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

Before we go off the deep end of thinking that I’m suggesting abuse, please understand four things I believe about discipline: 1) It is a necessity and biblically supported. 2) There are forms of discipline that are physical and some that are not. 3) There are forms of discipline that are sinful. 4) A parent should NEVER discipline in anger.

Now… back to the scripture: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child…”. This, to me, seems rather obvious. A child is, by definition, foolish and doesn’t know what’s right or right for them all the time. This isn’t talking about a child being immature or playfully childish, because in the next part of that verse it says, “..The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”. It’s talking about something that needs to be removed or changed in the heart of the child. God created us to be a certain way. When He formed us we weren’t that way (hence the foolishness), but we are to become that way. It is our job as parents to make sure that our children grow up to be the children of God that He wants them to be.

How does this apply to the subject at hand? It’s being said that non-unschoolers (at least in this case two negatives make a right… KIDDING, just kidding :0), are bringing up their children incorrectly. Maybe not so much by Hilaree, but most definitely by some of the other (rather angry) unschoolers. Some seem to think that we should just let children make their own decisions in life or at least decisions about what they should learn and how they should learn it. You know what, I’m good with that. I really am. I can see that actually working for some people, but certainly not everyone. That’s what’s confusing me. A vast majority of the unschoolers seem to be saying that we (non-unschoolers) are doing it wrong. While I certainly can’t read Amy’s mind, everything I’ve read, so far, seems to scream, “it may work for you, but it wouldn’t work for me.” That’s not the same as saying, “You’re wrong to bring up you child this way.” Polar opposites, in fact.

Another point is that, for every scripture that can be construed one way, I can read it another. For every piece of scripture an unschooler can come up with, I can come up with another. Even Proverbs 22:15 can be read in such a way to apply to what Hilaree has said, although I am definitely challenged to come up with a way to read it that would support the other more verbally abusive unschoolers.

Again, let’s go even a little further down the road to Proverbs 29:15 - “The rod and reproof give wisdom,
But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” This scripture could work perfectly for some non-unschoolers. It could also work for certain unschoolers. If you’d like me to elaborate, I’d love to.

A previous commentor said, “Why not?” to the following:
>>>I don’t have the right to say you should or shouldn’t do such and such.>>>>

OK, legally I agree. They have the right to say whatever they please, but wouldn’t it show, at least, SOME wisdom to say something like, “Maybe you could try this other way. If it works for you great. If it doesn’t, hopefully you’ll find something else that DOES work.” Instead, most of what’s been said by most of the unschoolers has been very judgemental and just plain mean. Some may say, “oh… I didn’t mean to be judgemental.” Baloney. You meant to be judgemental and believe me you succeeded beyond your wildest expectations.

Some may say, “You know what, YES… I was judgemental. Don’t we need to be a little more blunt and a little more forceful with our views??? Especially when they’re on a topic that’s so important? Our children’s lives are at stake after all!!!” Again, with the scripture: Yes, God said that we need to stand up for our beliefs and be forceful sometimes, but I believe that it was one of the unschoolers that mentioned that God is a merciful God. Well… let’s try that in our comments shall we?

BTW, God was much more than just a merciful God. He has so many more facets than just love and mercy (although those are my two favorite ones). The fact is that, if we’re supposed to be as Godly as we can, we can’t just focus on the facets of God that we like.

Holy cow… this is probably the longest comment I’ve ever made. Seriously, on the internet or in ‘real life’. I’m done for now.

God bless you all.

Well, then. How I wish that more parents would take the time to train their babies according to the way God created them. Can you imagine if we had all been trained that way? If we had all been carefully studied and nurtured by our parents so that when we were grown, we would already have the self-confidence in who the Lord created us to be…so many fewer therapy visits…so many fewer identity crises. So many more people following their God-given purpose, never needing to depart from it, because they had been helped along the way since childhood. A child is already filled with the purposes of God. That is why I love unschooling. I equate it with freedom to pursue our one true path on this short, short life.

Thank you again, Amy, for providing this unexpected forum. Hope you’re doing well with your sweet boys.

Did you use a ‘canned’ program to teach your child procrastination, or did he/she learn it from you naturally?

===I think a great example would be the studies done on I believe the Romanian orphans. They were left in their cribs without anything more than the necessary needs being met (food and diaper changes) I believe they ended up being quite delayed developmentally.===

Yes, this is true. These orphans had very minimal contact with any other human being, and that is why they failed to thrive. Unschooling involves ‘being there’ for your children in every way possible. It means sitting there *with* your children (as much as you are able) as they explore what is most important to them, even if what is most important to them at the moment is tv or video games.

I didn’t know this when my now 21yo ds was growing up — I believed that the time he spent playing video game s and watching tv was detrimental to his development, and so I limited them, thinking that was what was best for him. In retrospect, I can see now that what I did was damage our relationship by not truly valuing his passions.

With our dd15, it is different. Since “getting it” regarding not limiting children (in terms of ’screen time’, for example), dd has had unlimited access to the computer and tv (she is not ‘into’ video games). At first, she spent almost all day with either one or the other, sometimes both at the same time.

Now, several months later, she spends less time on the computer than I do, but the time she does spend, she is researching and learning more than I will ever know about. Because her ’screen’ time is not limited and because I have shared her passions to the best of my ability (and far from perfectly), she is free to move on to other pursuits.

I have come to see that whatever is arbitrarily limited in our lives naturally becomes *more* desirable. Placing arbitrary limits on my dc, has had the undesirable (and unintended!) effect of damaging my relationship with them. Not irreparable damage for sure, but it sure would have been easier for us all if the damage had not occurred in the first place.

Kind of like saying, “you know there’s one way to get rid of your childs tumor… you SHOULD give him this medicine even though it’s really yucky and even though he doesn’t want to. You know kids… they don’t necessarily know what’s best for them” Would you? Of course you would. I can tell from your posts that you love your children more than anything, as does everyone here.