@ Hilaree: Actually I am planning to bring the discussion more to the forefront on my blog…right now the only folks who are seeing it are those who subscribed to the comments of those posts in the first place, a few friends I’ve mentioned the controversy to, and the unschoolers from the Yahoo group. I’m very interested in continuing, but doing it in the comments is super difficult.

I didn’t want to post about it on the front page so soon because then I open myself up for even more accusations, etc. showing what an awful person I am. So far I am mean, unforgiving/unmerciful, false/inauthentic, self-centered, insensitive to my children, lack creative thinking, and the list goes on. Much of what I say is interpreted in a very negative way, and I’m not feeling like I’ve been on the receiving end of much grace. Why add to that? Better to go back to my main business on the front page and get to this when things have cooled a bit. I’m still responding to new comments as I can, but I am a person who chooses words very carefully and it takes me a long time to answer things as well as I can. As a result, I haven’t finished any of my front page posts. There’s only so much time available.

Love the Max Lucado quote. I’ll put that book on my fast-growing-out-of-control list of books that need to be read.

What an interesting discussion! It’s so refreshing to read everyone’s thoughts and to be ENCOURAGED that there are other mommies like me who take an extraordinary amount of time trying to do the absolute best for their families, including examining every thought (captive to Christ). It seems there’s some discord still here, and while I agree with the unschoolers posts, perhaps a different line of thinking would be valuable here - to get a fresh start. I’m not suggesting to abandon where everyone’s going with the discussion, just maybe jumpstart things a bit. Amy, I don’t think you’d be responding so wholeheartedly to the unschooling posts if you didn’t actually want to keep going with this. So…what about everyone meditating a bit on something like this quote from Max Lucado’s new book, “Cure for the Common Life” - “Don’t see your child as a blank slate awaiting your pen, but as a written book awaiting your study.” And a second, related quote, “The greatest gift you can give your children is not your riches, but revealing to them their own.” Good stuff, huh?! What does this mean to everyone? I’ll be posting about it on my own blog if I ever get around to it…but I thought that maybe a redirection would help lift the conversation a bit. Be proud, mamas, of who God made you to be, and who God made your children to be!

I think your following comment to me shows differently.

“However, I’m done feeding trolls. Comment away, knowing that I will edit very little and your words are going to be out there for the world to see for as long as this site is active.”

“I tried using educational games to sneak in learning while taking advantage of their love of the computer.”

This speaks to one of the basic premises of unschooling, namely that learning happens naturally and joyfully when one is motivated and interested in something. It really doesn’t matter what that something is, because our minds will seek connections and understanding in whatever we do. Some things definitely take more effort, but when one is internally motivated, that effort is not an obstacle.

Why do you think children learn so much in the first few years of life? Surely you don’t believe that children need lessons in rolling over and sitting up, walking and such, or they would never do it! There is an inborn drive to experience and learn about our world. This is where unschooling goes beyond mere “constructivism theory”. We recognize that we have the potential to learn from every experience we have in life, be it self-initiated or not. A healthy Christian understands this well when they are able to persist in the face of difficult life events or suffering.

What unschoolers routinely question is what exactly are our children learning from their life experiences. We seek, and find, that our children oviously learn from the computer, the TV, outside play, reading books, cooking, helping with housework, etc. We also question what “lessons” our children learn from our relationship with them. We question whether what we do as parents will facilitate our children learning and thinking independently, or whether it is fostering their self-doubt. Every time you “insist” that your children stop playing on the computer, you send a clear message that you think what they are doing has no value. If the most important people in their life don’t value what they do, children will begin to question themselves about what is important. Continually having to conform in ways that others deem valuable leads to insecurity about one’s own desires, and the dependence on others for approval and direction. It leads to inauthentic living, as well as the potential for being abused by those in authority.

When the boys used the word play, yes they were referring to sitting in front of a tv or computer screen. When the comment is made “But I just want to plaaaaaay” they mean only computer games. The first thing they head for when they can is the computer. If one boy is playing the other(s) will sit and watch rather than do something else. And then they’ll claim that I should only count screen time for them when they’re actually in control of the machine, believing I should disregard the watching time.

In the summertime when I say “go outside” they are willing to ride bikes or jump around in the pool. Then they head back inside and go to the screen. If I don’t insist that they go out they can spend even the most gorgeous day inside. Now that we’ve got snow on the ground they are willing to go out and slide down the hill. Then they’re back inside, heading for the screen. Any other play that takes place is because I have to be the bad guy and turn off the screens.

You should see them when they get to play on friends’ little hand-held games. The level of attention to that and only that is a little scary. I do worry about addictions with these games.

Using the adult definition of the word play, yes they have spent several years not wanting to play but now I’m seeing some serious developments and blooming in those areas.

The whole squashing dreams thing came out of your comment that I was tearing them away from something wonderful to insist on drudgery. Which is not true. And yes, we’ve gone a long way in many instances to encourage anything they express even a passing interest in. I’m not going to list long examples so you’ll have to take my word for it.

As for the other comment about me not understanding unschooling, probably there is some validity to what you said. Especially in terms of living it and understanding it. However. One of the major philosophies in unschooling is Constructivism. The process of letting the child lead the learning and follow their interests is very Constructivist. Ironically, it’s the poor application of Constructivism in the public schools that has caused a lot of the academic problems they face. Some use of Constructivism happens in my home. But not in everything.

My worldview strongly influences my approaches to parenting and teaching. The same is true for you. I have a big post planned on the subject.

A big difference between us thus far has been that you have been critical and insinuated that I am hurting my children while I have not done that to you or any unschooler.

Your particular understanding of your Christianity has led you to make the choices you make. I invite you to consider that the same is true for me; that I can justify my choices with Scripture and sound reasoning. Just because you and I disagree doesn’t mean one of us is wrong. As I mentioned to Stephanie, there are foundational assumptions that each of us hold-and are not likely to let go-on which we seriously disagree. So let’s disagree and work to better one another rather than tear down.

Being told that I’m self-centered, unforgiving, mean, thoughtless, fake, etc. hurts. And serves no good purpose. I wish we could have gotten to this kind of conversation earlier, where we’re actually talking rather than doing the attack/defend pattern. This is better, more of an ‘iron sharpening iron’ situation. Feel free to answer here, but I really do need to spend my time on regular posts, so perhaps we’ll talk more on future topics there.